50 Questions: Fifty Shades of Grey

I do not enjoy pain. Obviously, I hated the book. But it did cause me to ask these questions, in no particular order:

1. How many times was the word "flush" used in the book? 
2. Why does Anastasia "blush" and "flush" so much? 
3. How is it possible that at twenty one years of age, she didn't have a single relationship?
4. How did Christian become so wealthy?
5. How can anyone be sexually attracted to another person on the first meeting?
6. Why is Ana always scared?
7. Why is Ana always whimpering?
8. Why is Ana so helpless?
9. Why doesn't Ana not protest even after realizing that Christian is using sex as a weapon to blur her senses?
10. Why is it that she had to be a virgin?
11. What purpose does her alcohol intolerance serve?
12. Why would Ana's reading of many British classics cause her to set high standards for potential boyfriends?
13. If Christian is a super-busy CEO who doesn't have time for interviews, how does he continually visit (and subsequently, bed) Ana?
14. What does Christian do anyway?
15. How can anyone base an entire relationship on having sex?
16. Why does Ana let hormones rule her reason?
17. If one does not feel comfortable, why can she not say it with conviction?
18. Why is Ana forever "scared" in Christian's presence?
19. How did this book become a bestseller?
20. Why are Ana and Christian always f**king?
21. Do Ana and Christian ever talk about anything other than sex?
22. Does Christian only want Ana's body?
23. Even if Ana falls in love with Christian, why can't she get over him?
24. Why is Ana so impractical?
25. Why does Christian view women as objects?
26. Why does Ana believe Christian when he calls her "brave", because she didn't cry when he spanked her?
27. As someone so inexperienced as Ana, how do such passionate sexual thoughts awake in her?
28. Why does she not admit that she likes Christian?
29. What is the Inner Goddess and "subconscious" crisis?
30. Why is Ana so typical?
31. Why is Christian still chasing Ana to make her his sex-slave, even after she refuses him?
32. Why does it not creep Ana out that Christian is into BDSM?
33. Is it always that ease to climax?
34. Why is it mandatory for Ana to have beautiful skin?
35. Why does Ana take orders from a complete stranger?
36. Why is there nothing in the book apart from sex?
37. Is it advisable to step into a relationship if one is unsure?
38. Does Ana like being at the receiving end?
39. Why does she want to let Christian mold her into something she's not?
40. Why is sex so important?
41. What was so bad about Jose as a boyfriend?
42. How can Ana let Christian boss her around with clothes and food and cars and even her own lip?
43. Why should it be so gratifying to know that a man craves your body, and your body only?
44. How can Ana allow Christian to take her, whether she wants it or not?
45. How can anyone like to be taken advantage of?
46. Is E. L. James into BDSM?
47. Being a woman herself, how can E. L. James portray her leading lady in such a succumbing, vulnerable pushover?
48. Why are all the subsidiary characters flat types?
49. Does Ana have any other shade than a mewling whimpering wuss?
50. Where are the rest of the shades of Christian Grey?

I'll end this post by saying that, Fifty Shades of Grey may be a bestseller, but it surely is, and will be the worst book I've ever had the misfortune to read. Peace out.

On Going Through Someone's Holiday Album

You'll find it surprising how interesting people's albums can be, even if the photography's terrible.


There are these people who only take pictures of the background they have located themselves in. The forest. The hills. The sea. The sunset. The hotel. The bathroom. But be sure, there will be NO people in those pictures. There might be a cow or a crow occasionally.


I've been surprised many times by discovering the holiday clothing of a particular person. When you meet them in town they wear the simplest of skirts and unpressed shirts. In their albums, whoa! Mini skirts and halter tops! And those huge sunglasses too! Where were those feather ear-rings and funky rings hidden all this time?


Then there will be the foodie group, who will include endless pictures of themselves (give or take a few friends) hogging. Cocktails. Mock-tails. Beef steaks. Maybe even squids and octopuses. Honestly, I'm grossed out regardless of the kind of food I see.


Some people have the same pose in all pictures. They must have realized that this angle on them works. They  will smile the same way, look at the camera the same way, even do their hair the same way... It looks like they've photo-shopped their faces into different pictures. In some cases that's true too.


I like going through pictures - sometimes they speak more than they were meant to.

What We All Really Want

More time.

That's what all of us, every one of us want, because beneath all the layers, lack of time is the root of all problems/sadness/confusion/heartache/heartburn.

We wish we had more days of innocent carefree childhood,
more time to write that exam paper,
more time to draw up enough courage,
more time to sleep,
more time to spend with the special person,
more time to read that novel,
more time to consider,
more time to have fun,
more time to prepare that seminar/project,
more time to complete what we started,

more time to LIVE.

P.S. The only hours we want to be short are the 'job' hours.

Budweiser

"Grab some buds!"

I'm sorry to disappoint anyone, but I'm not going to be writing about the beer. What I am going to be writing about is friends, because they're almost as good as beer anyway. Come to think of, beer wouldn't taste half that good if you didn't have friends to drink it with.

Friends. One of the mysteries of life. If you have the right kind, you're the king of the world. If not, well, then I guess you're in trouble. But I'm not here to lecture you about how to choose the right sort, you can learn that on your own, like I have.

I'm going to tell you how amazing life can be when you do have 'your' kind of friends.

It wasn't until college that I had friends who really mattered to me and who have changed my life in many different ways, but mostly for the better. These people brought me out of my cocooned existence. I'm not a misanthrope, but I certainly had people-issues. But they, I can't reveal their identities in this blog, taught me that there's more to life than just grumbling about it.

One of them took me to the city's ghat, somewhere I'd never been before, in spite of living in this city since birth. There's one whom I can talk to anything about - from boyfriend problems to the latest books we read. With these people, I am myself. I feel I, too, belong.

They meant more to me than all my cousins and relatives put together. I get to be cranky with them, I can shout at them at times and they will still cheer for me when I win a lottery. I know that even if they don't call me everyday, they won't forget me.

I love the feeling when we've not even texted for a week yet everything just falls into place when I see them next. I love the fact that we don't need expensive clubs to hang out in, or the most happening parties to go to. We might not have any money in our pockets but we still manage to have fun. 

For one thing, I'm actually glad that I've had met the wrong people earlier, because now I can appreciate the right ones even more profoundly. Best friends don't tell each other how special they are very often, but the magic is, they don't need to, they already know.

All That I Have Been

My favourite game as a kid was to 'be' someone. I've 'been' a lot of people.

I've been the teacher, the doctor and the shop-owner.

And then I was also Maria from The Sound of Music, Aladdin from Aladdin, Stuart from Stuart Little, Babe from Babe and Agent J from M I B. I was Tintin, Bugs Bunny, Harriet the Spy... it goes on.

As a child I spent hours playing these favourite characters, writing the first fanfics in my head. Sometimes I goaded my cousins to play with me, but they never seemed to enjoy it as much as I did. I remember I played Jaws and Jurassic Park, making random people sharks and dinosaurs, without them having the slightest idea about it. Of course, when I screamed at their faces while pseudo-sneaking past them, they were mostly scandalized and at times bewildered.

I still play this game. In my head now, because of the whole behave-like-a-grown-up thing

I wanted to be a pirate because Jack Sparrow was that awesome in Pirates of the Caribbean.

I wanted to be an warrior-princess-cum-ogre like Fiona in Shrek and Po made me realize that Kung Fu is an imperative these days.

I wanted to kill mummies like Rick O'Connell and hunt treasure like Indiana Jones. I wanted to solve cryptic word clues like Robert Langdon and kill demons like the Winchester brothers. I wanted to play the guitar like Slash and sing like Cobain.

I've not achieved even a slice of all this. Probably I never will.

But I have fun playing this game.

Utopia

"'Cause we all just wanna be big rock stars
And live in hill top house driving fifteen cars
The drugs come easy and the girls come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair

Hey hey I wanna be a rock star."

~Nickelback, Rockstar

This is Nickelback's Utopia, to be a bohemian rock star and do what in the world he feels like. We all have our own Utopias. Mine is never being asked questions.

Why? - E.g. Are you not studying? Are you sleeping late? Are you such a late riser?

Who? - E.g. Were you with? Was at the door? Was on the phone?

When? - E.g. Are you coming home? Will you go to sleep? Will you learn to be responsible?

Where? - E.g. Are you going? Are your manners? Will you go?

What? - E.g. Are you doing? Happened to your allowance? Can you cook?

Questions like these annoy me. And they annoy me a lot. It annoys me when people ask me questions when I'm brushing my teeth and they know I can't answer them or clearly have the headphones on and they know I can't hear them. I hate it when every time I go out, someone has to ask when I'll be back. It annoys me when, even after having explained where I'm going and whom with, they keep asking those same questions repeatedly. I hate being asked questions that have no answer to them.

Utopia for me would be a place/dimension/universe where people didn't ask annoying questions. No one would ask me which room I wanted to nap in, when I didn't want to nap at all. Nobody would bother if I went to Esplanade instead of the place they knew I was going. I wouldn't be pestered with "Why isn't you mom home yet?" and "Who rang the doorbell?"

Well, everything would be hell boring if no one ever asked any questions, so I think I couldn't live in my Utopia for more than a week. But I'd definitely like to keep that Utopia so that I can, one Utopia trip later, say it like The Beatles,

"Let it be"