When you are inside a pressurized metal container, flying
30,000 feet in the air you would ideally want a stress-free environment. If the
already cramped leg-space and claustrophobia inducing loos weren’t enough, you
have these nine gems to ruin your flight experience, if you happen to sit next
to one.
1. The Spread
He’s a spread, but definitely not the smoothest one in the
market. This one loves to spread out as large as possible and occupy as much
area, even the part he hasn’t paid for, as he can. God be with you if you are
sitting at the window and the middle seat is hosting a Spread.
2. The Newly-Married Honeymooning Couple
Talk about kebab mein
haddi, only it’s your Kebab and
they are the haddis. And it is
exactly as annoying as the way it sounds. They will make you feel you are
invading private space, even though your seat is legitimately yours. The
tinkling of the wedding jewellery, which the bride has adorned in copious
amounts, the coo-chi-cooing... you’ll be especially unfortunate if you spot
some PDA in your peripheral vision.
3. The Human Snorlax
Yes, you’re absolutely allowed to sleep in the aircraft, but
if your neighbour is a Snorlax, you’re bound to be annoyed. This one starts the
nap time as soon as he seats himself and after that, his vocabulary consists of
only one sound - *snore
*. “Could you please move your head to the other side?”
*snore*. “Please let me pass.” *snore*. “Would you like some coffee?” *snore*
*snore* *snore*
*. “Could you please move your head to the other side?”
*snore*. “Please let me pass.” *snore*. “Would you like some coffee?” *snore*
*snore* *snore*
4. The Returning College Stud
He’s been away from parental supervision for the first time
for so long. He probably has piercings and grizzly manes of hair and beard.
Speaks in a fake accent and is so full of himself that he can barely contain
it. Poor you is flooded with stories of college debauchery and self-proclaimed
heroism. And oh, did he mention his bike, the one that flies faster than this
aircraft?
5. The Wannabe Model
She will always be surrounded by a cloud of perfumes and
powders, lest the papparazi strike, you know. She will make you feel
underdressed and the same time, relieved that you’re not the one caked in
compact and chained in brands. And you’re in for some accented verbal abuse if
you happen to accidentally touch her Gucci bag or Prada shoes or whatever.
6. The Frequent Loo User
He will use the loo about ten times in a two-hour flight. He
is constantly excusing himself, climbing over you to get to the loo. And just
when you think he has finally expunged his bladders and guts, he needs to go
again. The washroom sign is forever occupied because of him. You start to
wonder why he bothers coming back to his seat at all. Oh, of course, to annoy
you!
7. The Luggage Fretter
The Loo User must have learned it from the master, for this
one is forever checking the overhead luggage to ensure his hasn’t been stolen.
Seriously? Luggage stolen in an aircraft? But no, he is paranoid enough for
both of you. He also needs something in the likes of headphones, tablets,
tissues, moisturizer and so on from his bag, every five minutes.
8. The Gossip Girls
It’s okay to gossip, we all do it, there’s nothing to be
ashamed of. Only, it is acceptable in closed quarters. You don’t want to find
yourself privy to the scandalous lives of some aunty or the lecherous habits of
the old man you’ll never have to meet (thankfully). These chatterboxes also
don’t seem to have volume control and will continuously give you mini heart
attacks with every peal of shrill laughter.
9. The Curious Aunty
The most annoying aircraft neighbour ever.
You’re travelling alone; she’s travelling alone, voila! You’re now the best of
friends. She will ask you questions with the authority of a visa interviewer.
She might also want to stuff he ghar ka
khana down your throat. And then ask for compliments on her cooking. Sorry auntieji, this one’s not for you.
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