Amateur

If I was asked to list things I'm good at, I'd be lost. It's easier to list things I can do. I can certainly do a lot of things, but I don't know if I'm good at any of those.

I write.
I sing.
I paint.
I'm into art and craft.
I can dance if I want to.
I collect stamps.
I read.

But I wouldn't call myself an expert in any of these fields. Maybe I have low self esteem, but it's true. At best, I am an amateur.

I like it though. I like thinking of myself as an amateur rather than an expert, because it keeps my options of improving and learning new things open. I like not being satiated with what I am. This way I can pardon myself more easily, can start again without embarrassment or shame. It wouldn't worry me much if I sucked at something, because I would always know that I would be starting as a novice.

I like being amateur at this.

All That I Have Been

My favourite game as a kid was to 'be' someone. I've 'been' a lot of people.

I've been the teacher, the doctor and the shop-owner.

And then I was also Maria from The Sound of Music, Aladdin from Aladdin, Stuart from Stuart Little, Babe from Babe and Agent J from M I B. I was Tintin, Bugs Bunny, Harriet the Spy... it goes on.

As a child I spent hours playing these favourite characters, writing the first fanfics in my head. Sometimes I goaded my cousins to play with me, but they never seemed to enjoy it as much as I did. I remember I played Jaws and Jurassic Park, making random people sharks and dinosaurs, without them having the slightest idea about it. Of course, when I screamed at their faces while pseudo-sneaking past them, they were mostly scandalized and at times bewildered.

I still play this game. In my head now, because of the whole behave-like-a-grown-up thing

I wanted to be a pirate because Jack Sparrow was that awesome in Pirates of the Caribbean.

I wanted to be an warrior-princess-cum-ogre like Fiona in Shrek and Po made me realize that Kung Fu is an imperative these days.

I wanted to kill mummies like Rick O'Connell and hunt treasure like Indiana Jones. I wanted to solve cryptic word clues like Robert Langdon and kill demons like the Winchester brothers. I wanted to play the guitar like Slash and sing like Cobain.

I've not achieved even a slice of all this. Probably I never will.

But I have fun playing this game.

Lazy Daze

I am basically a very lazy person.

With brutal honesty, my favourite-most hobby would be sleeping. If my mother didn't pinch me out of bed, I'd easily sleep 18 hours everyday, and still feel sleepy.

I can easily head the Procrastinators of the World United Club. I think so much that I can't do anything else.

I invent wild strategies to avoid being given chores. I pretend to be asleep, or hide in the loo, or even feign temporary deafness.

Whenever the doorbell rings, I actually flee as far as I can go from the door. Then, grab the book closest to me, even if it is something as random as a user-manual.

Sometimes even if I am hungry, I don't eat. No, I'm not on a diet. I just feel too lazy to open a packet of biscuit, let alone cook anything.

Sometimes I don't wash my hair because I don't feel like it.

Often, I don't even write, because I'm too lazy. I'm too lazy to log on or even grab a pencil.

However, I'm constantly writing in my head. I do a lot of things, in my head.