The Conversationist

A conversation is like a game of table-tennis. To have a good one you need a good opponent who can give you a good rally. Yes, you need to listen, but you also have to actively participate. It never works otherwise. It's not a passive situation where you can take a backseat and let the other take all the responsibility of driving the tete-a-tete. A conversation is not a seminar, it is not a lecture, it is not pep-talk. There are reasons why those are not synonyms for conversation. A conversation needs nuances, it needs agility, it needs response.

X: Hey, what're you doing?

Y: Nothing much, just watching Perfume, the Story of a Murderer.

X: What's that?

Y: You know that movie where the protagonist makes perfumes from women's bodies after killing them?

X: No...

Y: Erm... The one where he was born with an extraordinary sense of smell...

X: No...

Y: You should watch it.

X: Okay.

Y: Do you want to download it? I can send you a link...

X: Maybe later.

Y: ...


How would you rate this conversation? I'd give it a maximum of 3 on a scale of 10. Do you know how this could have been a good conversation? Like this -
X: Hey, what're you doing?


Y: Nothing much, just watching Perfume, the Story of a Murderer.

X: What's that?

Y: You know that movie where the protagonist makes perfumes from women's bodies after killing them?

X: No... What's the story like?

Y: It's really weird! This guy is born with an extra sensitive nose and he's bent on making the best perfume in the world...

X: So why is it called a story of a murderer?

Y: Because he kills women to steal their body fragrances...

X: Woah! That's psycho!

Y: Do you want to download it? I cam send you a link...

X: Yeah why not? It's bizarre though...
Y: Well, do watch it and tell me how you liked it.

X: Will do...


Now that's more like it, isn't it?

Good conversationists are hard to find these days. I happen to be one of those people who find a good conversation highly erotic.

All That I Have Been

My favourite game as a kid was to 'be' someone. I've 'been' a lot of people.

I've been the teacher, the doctor and the shop-owner.

And then I was also Maria from The Sound of Music, Aladdin from Aladdin, Stuart from Stuart Little, Babe from Babe and Agent J from M I B. I was Tintin, Bugs Bunny, Harriet the Spy... it goes on.

As a child I spent hours playing these favourite characters, writing the first fanfics in my head. Sometimes I goaded my cousins to play with me, but they never seemed to enjoy it as much as I did. I remember I played Jaws and Jurassic Park, making random people sharks and dinosaurs, without them having the slightest idea about it. Of course, when I screamed at their faces while pseudo-sneaking past them, they were mostly scandalized and at times bewildered.

I still play this game. In my head now, because of the whole behave-like-a-grown-up thing

I wanted to be a pirate because Jack Sparrow was that awesome in Pirates of the Caribbean.

I wanted to be an warrior-princess-cum-ogre like Fiona in Shrek and Po made me realize that Kung Fu is an imperative these days.

I wanted to kill mummies like Rick O'Connell and hunt treasure like Indiana Jones. I wanted to solve cryptic word clues like Robert Langdon and kill demons like the Winchester brothers. I wanted to play the guitar like Slash and sing like Cobain.

I've not achieved even a slice of all this. Probably I never will.

But I have fun playing this game.

Lazy Daze

I am basically a very lazy person.

With brutal honesty, my favourite-most hobby would be sleeping. If my mother didn't pinch me out of bed, I'd easily sleep 18 hours everyday, and still feel sleepy.

I can easily head the Procrastinators of the World United Club. I think so much that I can't do anything else.

I invent wild strategies to avoid being given chores. I pretend to be asleep, or hide in the loo, or even feign temporary deafness.

Whenever the doorbell rings, I actually flee as far as I can go from the door. Then, grab the book closest to me, even if it is something as random as a user-manual.

Sometimes even if I am hungry, I don't eat. No, I'm not on a diet. I just feel too lazy to open a packet of biscuit, let alone cook anything.

Sometimes I don't wash my hair because I don't feel like it.

Often, I don't even write, because I'm too lazy. I'm too lazy to log on or even grab a pencil.

However, I'm constantly writing in my head. I do a lot of things, in my head.

Lyadh, or the Goldfish Syndrome

Yes, one of those days when you are a goldfish.

You sleep till noon. You don't want to take your bath. You aren't hungry. You take an hour to write out a 200 word post. You aren't reading. Sometimes you blow a spit-bubble or two. You also don't know what you are thinking about. You're warm, but you don't want to stitch the fan on. There are 40 people online on your IM, but you don't know what to say to even one of them. It's difficult to even get bored.

You feel like a goldfish in a round glass bowl. Even your blinking seems stupid.

We Bengalis have a simple word for this: Lyadh.