When I Opened My Eyes This Morning

When I opened my eyes this morning

(Most people wouldn’t call it morning)

There was a bullet in me.

So I didn’t sit up, or turn over.

I lay with my eyes open and the day

Breathed around me,

Inhaling light, exhaling shadows.

I bled beautifully, needlessly, profusely.

There was no pain. There was no wound.

I did not know where the bullet had lodged itself.

It may have been my rib-cage,

My thigh, my wrist, my brain.

They shouted, “That is art!” and clamoured for a better view.

But it wasn’t.

There was no pain. There was no wound.

Colours

My Name is Red

Laal. Rojo. Rot.

They all mean the same thing. But if you don't know what they are, you can never understand them. Because the hardest things to describe in the world are colours.

Have you ever tried explaining to someone what 'red' is? Yes, it's a colour. But how do you define it? It has no length, no breath, no volume, no mass or any dimension whatsoever. How can you know that 'red' is not the same as 'white' or 'black' or 'purple'? 

To a communist, red is revolution.

To an anarchist, red is violence.

To a romantic, red is love.

To a doctor, red is hemoglobin.

To a celebrity, red is the fame.

To a bull, red is wrath.

To an octopus, red is danger.

To a kid, red is his favourite crayon in the box.

To me, red is all this and more. Red is when I am alive.




P.S. My favourite colour is blue. And I HATE pink. 

Mahalaya

1500 kilometers from home, some Bengali youths gathered on the fourth floor of the Academic Building of their University at 0400 hours on 15th October 2012. They came in varied attires and night clothes, some yawning, some rubbing their eyes, but all of them intent and excited, for one thing. That one thing was the elocution of Mahalaya.

They didn't have the authenticity of the Akashbani live telecast of the Mahalaya programme. All they had was pure devotion, to the tradition of beginning the best time of a Bengali life - Durga Puja.

For those unfamiliar with the concept of Mahalaya, it is the day when Maa Durga defeated the evil Mahishasur, restoring the world to peace and prosperity. Seven days from this day, the epitome of the good over evil will be worshiped. It is also the homecoming of the victorious, and us mortals rejoice in it to extents a non-Bengali cannot ever comprehend. Maa Durga is not just a deity who defeated evil for us, she is our very own mother and beloved daughter at the same time. The entire battle of Maa Durga and Mahishasur has been retold many times, but this particular rendition by Birendrakrishna Bhadra and his team is aired on the radio every year for all. It is an unwritten custom for many of us that we listen to it religiously, because if not anything, it is a beautiful form of elocution art.

Durga Puja has always been an integral part of my life, like all other Bengalis. This year, away from home, I feel the significance all the more. I can hardly wait to go back. Puja is not just a time for worship and prayer, it is also the time when families get together, friends re-unite and everybody is offered a piece of happiness. 

Every year, Puja brings new hopes. Hopes of conquering evil. Hopes of regaining lost strength. Hopes of a better day. Every year, Maa Durga saves us from the lurking demons -  ones we encounter every day, on the road, in our workplaces, in our homes, inside ourselves.

This year, Mahalaya not only sets off the homecoming for Maa Durga, it marks the homecoming for me too. I'm going home. 

50 Questions: Fifty Shades of Grey

I do not enjoy pain. Obviously, I hated the book. But it did cause me to ask these questions, in no particular order:

1. How many times was the word "flush" used in the book? 
2. Why does Anastasia "blush" and "flush" so much? 
3. How is it possible that at twenty one years of age, she didn't have a single relationship?
4. How did Christian become so wealthy?
5. How can anyone be sexually attracted to another person on the first meeting?
6. Why is Ana always scared?
7. Why is Ana always whimpering?
8. Why is Ana so helpless?
9. Why doesn't Ana not protest even after realizing that Christian is using sex as a weapon to blur her senses?
10. Why is it that she had to be a virgin?
11. What purpose does her alcohol intolerance serve?
12. Why would Ana's reading of many British classics cause her to set high standards for potential boyfriends?
13. If Christian is a super-busy CEO who doesn't have time for interviews, how does he continually visit (and subsequently, bed) Ana?
14. What does Christian do anyway?
15. How can anyone base an entire relationship on having sex?
16. Why does Ana let hormones rule her reason?
17. If one does not feel comfortable, why can she not say it with conviction?
18. Why is Ana forever "scared" in Christian's presence?
19. How did this book become a bestseller?
20. Why are Ana and Christian always f**king?
21. Do Ana and Christian ever talk about anything other than sex?
22. Does Christian only want Ana's body?
23. Even if Ana falls in love with Christian, why can't she get over him?
24. Why is Ana so impractical?
25. Why does Christian view women as objects?
26. Why does Ana believe Christian when he calls her "brave", because she didn't cry when he spanked her?
27. As someone so inexperienced as Ana, how do such passionate sexual thoughts awake in her?
28. Why does she not admit that she likes Christian?
29. What is the Inner Goddess and "subconscious" crisis?
30. Why is Ana so typical?
31. Why is Christian still chasing Ana to make her his sex-slave, even after she refuses him?
32. Why does it not creep Ana out that Christian is into BDSM?
33. Is it always that ease to climax?
34. Why is it mandatory for Ana to have beautiful skin?
35. Why does Ana take orders from a complete stranger?
36. Why is there nothing in the book apart from sex?
37. Is it advisable to step into a relationship if one is unsure?
38. Does Ana like being at the receiving end?
39. Why does she want to let Christian mold her into something she's not?
40. Why is sex so important?
41. What was so bad about Jose as a boyfriend?
42. How can Ana let Christian boss her around with clothes and food and cars and even her own lip?
43. Why should it be so gratifying to know that a man craves your body, and your body only?
44. How can Ana allow Christian to take her, whether she wants it or not?
45. How can anyone like to be taken advantage of?
46. Is E. L. James into BDSM?
47. Being a woman herself, how can E. L. James portray her leading lady in such a succumbing, vulnerable pushover?
48. Why are all the subsidiary characters flat types?
49. Does Ana have any other shade than a mewling whimpering wuss?
50. Where are the rest of the shades of Christian Grey?

I'll end this post by saying that, Fifty Shades of Grey may be a bestseller, but it surely is, and will be the worst book I've ever had the misfortune to read. Peace out.

Summer Waali Sunshine

Sweat. Odour. Prickly-heat. Exhaustion.

But also, funky shades. Shorts and sleeveless. Nimboo-paani. Flip flops. Cute parasols. Maybe even skinny-dipping.

Summers in Kolkata aren't exactly the most awaited season of the year. The humidity is intolerable and it literally (and scientifically) saps the life-energy out of you. You almost feel like a dog, and all that sweat doesn't go you much good with acne.

Yet, summer can be fun. I love lazing around in the house, indulging in reading or music. If I venture out, all I need is a slap of sunscreen and a spritz of my favourite deodorant.

Summer has longer days, and that means more time for fun! A refreshing drink of lassi at Esplanade at once livens me up for some shopping. In Kolkata, summer also brings the Mega-End-of-Year-Sale, the Chaitra Sale: one more reason to love summer!

What I love the most about summers is the summer-rains. I would love the feel of the cool drops of heaven on those darned prickly-heats. Also, after it gets really really scorching, mother-nature relents with what we know to be Kalbaishaki, or Nor' Westers. If I don't find myself caught in one this summer, the season goes in vain.

No, no amount of Maza or Frooti or Slice shall quench my thirst of a real, sweet, yellow mango. And, okay, maybe it only adds to your waist-line, but I love mangoes and will eat any given number of it. My summer is incomplete without the pickle of unripe mangoes, our beloved Kacche Aam ka Achaar. My mother makes this brilliant mango delicacy, involving unripe mangoes in a clear turmeric curry, and I'm head-over-heals with it.

Summers are, for me, perfect for the girls'-time-out. Be it a brunch or a luncheon, summer is the time when I love to slip on that comfy cotton dress and mix-and-match hats and shades. I'll share a secret, shades are brilliant camouflages while checking out that hot-bod!

Now that summer is on, it's time to turn on the fun on full swing too. I'll shop till I drop, read that pending novel and take coolers every two hours. What about you?

Written for "The Lakmé Diva Blogger Contest", 2012.
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