I Suffer from CEP

Chronic Examination Phobia.

This is what I have recently diagnosed myself with. First I thought I was dysthymic. And obviously Google helped me find substantial symptoms. Although I didn't see a shrink, I had at least a valid disease to blame this condition on, because no one believes you if you have CEP (Chronic Examination Phobia).

I've drawn up some pointers to help other unfortunate ones who are still in delusion about their true condition.

Symptoms:

1. Insomnia followed by drowsiness: often you will feel yourself unable to sleep, and then unable to stay awake. The cycle can commence anytime.
2. Increased appetite: A lot of us think this should be the opposite, but I have observed Nutella and Gems giving you the "come-here" finger oftener than usual days. Also, you may find yourself addicted to a particular food-item, the variety of which ranges from spearmint dental floss to strawberry lip-gloss.
3. Sudden realizations: This might not be very universal, but personally I tend to discover the deep hidden secrets of philosophy during CEP. I also quite suddenly discover that my reading list for fiction is getting too long and needs immediate trimmings. The Muse also finds such days best for a surprise visit, but I cannot seem to do her justice because of examination-guilt (a sub-disease under CEP, where you tend to blame everything on exams).
4. Procrastination: The 'I'll definitely do it tomorrow' syndrome, it affects us mostly in the afternoons, when the aforesaid appetite causes us to feel drowsy (ref. #2). You end up completing one trillionth of what you actually planned to cover, and still feel oddly confident about time.
5. Facebooking: The final. The ultimate. The most fatal. There's absolutely no one online, and yet you will feel more prone to surfing weird and possibly risky profiles rather than your course books.

What generally happens due to all of this is that I get cranky. I'm not exam friendly (then again, who is?) and I fear an impending exam more than the monster under my bed. As the doomsday looms closer and closer, I tend to lose my wits. I yell at people unnecessarily, I make shrewd remarks in perfectly cheerful situations, I get annoyed faster than you can say 'crap'. In all of this, I still don't feel like studying. The mere thought of learning stuff out of a book makes my skin crawl. CEP makes me melodramatic. It makes me caustic and unsympathetic. You should try telling me to revise my lessons when CEP is on: I remind myself of the vicious  wolves of Narnia. The sky looks grayer, the future bleaker and the books darker than ever. Strangely, the books seem to lose their vile-nature as soon as the exam is over. Exams just scare the living daylights out of me, though, as I don't like to admit it to anyone, no one believes me. When I think of solving an unknown, unseen paper, my stomach does gymnastics hitherto unknown to humans. Yet, I have to keep on taking one exam after another. I've calculated that on an approximation, I've been taking exams every three weeks since I joined college.

It's taxing, tiring, exhausting and I keep fearing my creative faculties suffer severe setbacks each time I take a test. And I fear that there's not much hope of ever escaping this: Life itself is an endless series of exams (unfairly they teach you the lesson only at the end), say the wise.

I conclude that I cannot be cured, or anyone else for that matter, until I vanquish the exams, or they vanquish me. Either way, I'll be dead, if you know what I mean.